my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
