I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
