I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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