Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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