On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my sisters under your porch take her home
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
