fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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