You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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