i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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