Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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