I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
