True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
