My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Still dying that you shit outside
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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