there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
