im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
