he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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