he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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