How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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