Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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