Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
