return my video game
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
