Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just pee around me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
