There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
