dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
