I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
