dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
