i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
