Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Its about making memories worth repressing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
