What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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