oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
