I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
