hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
