Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
time to smoke my breakfast
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think your dad took our porno
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
