This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
