he shaved USA in his pubs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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