I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
