I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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