separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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