3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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