there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
