I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
