Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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