I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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