So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
