It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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