When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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