Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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