had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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