why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
