Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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