all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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