Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
